I Knew It!! We All Start Life As Assholes!

The basics of making babies seem simple. You need sperm, an egg, and a womb to incubate in. Combine those, and a baby starts to grow. However, most people don’t know what develops first in the womb as far as the baby’s growth. Does it start with a brain? A heart? What organs come …
— Read on m.ranker.com/list/order-body-parts-grow-in-fetuses/laura-allan

There it is. In black and white. We all start our lives as assholes. I just never personally evolved past this stage of development.

Don’t feel bad for me though, I have a plethora of company. As a matter of fact, as far as I can tell, the last two generations have been filled with a LOT of assholes that never developed past this stage.

Just remember kids, you can stick a flower up your asshole but you still can’t call it a vase😊

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Jesus Christ, Jack Sprat and Jason Bourne

I was flat on my back after my spinal tap. The arrogant young doctor insisted I stay in that same position for the next five hours so I did not develop a colossal headache. Right about that time I realized I had to use the restroom and it was going to be a deuce.

So of course when the doctor asked if I had any questions, noticing he was at least 15 years younger than me, HAD to have been straight out of med school, and my puckered asshole had to have a better bedside manner than this douche, I decided wickedly to rattle his chain a bit.

I replied with what do I do if I have to drop the “Browns” off at the “Super Bowl, homie”? His fucking eyes almost popped out of his head, he sneered at me and said, “I beg your pardon? Also the name is Dr. Browning and I am NOT your homie, I’m your doctor!”

Oh hell to the NAW!!! I, by this point was so pissed off I responded scathingly with, “I don’t care if you are Jesus Christ, Jack Sprat or Jason Bourne, mother fucker, NO one is talking to me like that, so unless you want me to take an enormous shit right here on these super luxurious sheets that the fuckers up in the Accounting department charge me $300 a night for, someone best help me upright and get me to a toilet. Fucking STAT!”

I got help to the toilet in time, Dr. Browning passed my case off to a colleague, because he refused to step back in my room because I had also previously told him if he even thought about trying to come back in that I would crap in my hand and fling my own shit at him.

Moral of this story?

Don’t fuck with The Bella when she’s got a deuce prairie dogging her asshole😂😂😂😂😂

I ♥️ My 500 Followers

I started my blog eighteen months ago to try to deal with my Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis. I was at the time only hoping to connect with others with my condition so I could possibly get insight and advice on how to cope with the dramatic highs and lows of BPD. Little did I know what a life altering journey my blog would take me on.

I have made so many dear lifelong friends from all over the globe. I have found unconditional love and support from the unlikeliest of places. I have laughed, cried, ranted and raved with all of you and I wouldn’t change one single second of it!

You all have become my giant loving supportive family and I am so very grateful to have each and every one of you in my WP family. Thank you for 500 Follows. Here’s to many more years of our profanity laden (me), happy, sad, exciting, crazy journey♥️♥️

🙏🏼Namaste Y’all🙏🏼

It’s Easy To Be Extraordinary In A Society That Encourages Mediocrity

Participation medals, high schools not having Valedictorians because it makes others “feel bad” about themselves, the ACT test adding extra criteria in the scoring process so more “diverse” people will be accepted into college. Are they fucking serious?!?? My son worked so hard in high school in Advanced Placement Courses that he was a sophomore in College by the time he graduated high school and was also given a full Presidental Scholarship to at least five different colleges and was also Valedictorian of his class. I wish those snowflake fuckfaces would have tried to take that hard earned honor from my baby.

Do you know why he excelled academically? Because he worked his fucking ass off and put his social life on the back burner. Even in high school he knew that being a social media hot shot would NOT pay his bills in the future. He has worked towards his dream of being a doctor since 1st grade. He made straight A’s his entire school career and graduated at the top of his class in pre-med Summa Cum Laude this May, all the while being the president of his fraternity, President of the entire Greek Council, worked THREE jobs and still graduated with honors. He was obviously accepted into med school, just got his first year class schedule and is finally realizing his dream. Not by having extra points on his ACT which he made a 35 on (36 is a perfect score) BECAUSE he was focused, ambitious and worked hard for 16 years to get there.

Mediocrity is celebrated and promoted by all of these Progressive Lawmakers and whiny snowflakes that want something for nothing. Even good grades and automatic college admission, but can some one PLEASE tell me how by progress you mean making everyone the same, like oatmeal or like we say in the South, “grits y’all “.

Now most of this whole generation think that they are hot shit on a silver platter, but someone (I totally volunteer) to burst their stupid mediocre bubble and let them know that they are only cold turds on a paper plate.

Exceptional and Extraordinary MEANS going above and beyond you fucking jackasses. In this world their are Winners and their are losers, snowflakes. So suck it up buttercups, get the fuck over yourselves and put forth some effort!!

7 Things That Truly Happy People Don’t Care About

1. What other people think

At the end of the day, happy people don’t care what other people think of them. They don’t care about the expectations of others because they’ve made themselves happy. Happiness comes from within.

2. Their past mistakes

Yeah, past mistakes stink. It’s important to remember them, to remember what happened, but happy people don’t dwell on them. They grow from their mistakes and move on.

3. Their failures

Same thing with past mistakes. You can grow and learn from failures, but happy people don’t dwell on it. It’s in the past.

4. What they don’t have

Happy people are largely able to look at the things they do have and feel grateful.

5. I’ll be happy when

Happy people are happy now! Anything awesome that comes in the future will be the cherry on top of their happiness sundae.

6. Their regrets

We all regret things, but happy people got that way because they were able to move on. In the end, their regrets do nothing but hold them back.

7. All of society’s expectations

Kind of ties into number one. Society expects so much of us.

It wants us to go to school, get a husband or wife, get a great job, buy a house, do all the things, and then quietly die without so much as a heavy sigh.

But happy people don’t care about any of that.

My Son: Future Dr. Superstar M.D.

Student leaders at Louisiana Tech are making sure no-hazing policies and attitudes are enforced.

During my sons undergraduate studies, hazing became a national problem seen on University campuses across the nation. It seemed for a while that every time we turned on the news at night we would hear about another fraternity hazing event that would ultimately cost a young person their life, before it had ever begun.

My son, Payton, during his time at Louisiana Tech University was President of his fraternity, Delta Chi, and during that same time frame was also elected President of the entire Greek Council which oversaw all fraternity and sorority activities on campus.

This is a local news report dedicated to the ongoing hazing crisis and what local campus Greek leaders are saying and doing about it.

This mamma considers her baby boy an absolute celebrity due to his appearance and opinions.

www.knoe.com/content/news/Louisiana-Tech-is-cracking-down-on-hazing-447826083.html

The following is my brilliant sons (no I’m not biased😊) acceptance letter into medical school at Louisiana State University Shreveport. He has wanted to be a cardiac surgeon since he could utter that phrase. He maintained a 4.2 or above throughout elementary, middle and high school then went on to college on a full academic scholarship. There he was on the Presidents list all four years, was Mr. Louisiana Tech, a member of the Homecoming Court, volunteered every summer for four weeks with MedCamps (a special camp for children and adolescents with severe disabilities), held down not one, not two but three jobs and stayed on top of his many extracurricular activities all while keeping his grades up. He graduated with his degree in Pre-Med, Summa Cum Laude, in May 2018. Since then he has been working as a medical intern at TIRR Memorial Hermann hospital in Houston. Needless to say, I am one blessed Mom!

My son will only be twenty three years old on Valentines Day of this year. He has accomplished so very much in those 23 short years that I am absolutely in awe of his dedication, determination and work ethic.

I could not be any prouder if I tried!

Congratulations, my handsome son! Keep your feet on the ground but never keep reaching for the stars!

Misfits

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. We’re not fond of rules and we have no respect for the status quo. You can quote us, disagree with us, glorify or vilify us. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore us, because we change things. We push the human race forward, while some may see us as the crazy ones, we see genius. The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do!!!

I love my tribe of misfits to the moon and stars!

Finally!! A Light at The End of The Tunnel

These are pics of our new home after we have unpacked (not every single thing) and have a little bit of order to everything. Have I mentioned moving sucks donkey ass?!?

I’d rather be drawn and quartered or burned at the stake or waterboarded than to do this shit EVER again. I’m delighted about the house but aside from that I’ve been a roller coaster of emotions. My OCD is in a frenzy and I’m traumatized because it took us two solid weeks to move from the rain. I suppose I’ll look on the bright side for a change and just think about all of the happy new memories we’ll make here♥️

Happy Weekend, my pretties 💕💕💕

My extremely handsome hubby watching me craft in the garage♥️♥️

Unicorn Tears

It’s 2019 and we thought the unicorn food trend was behind us. We were wrong, because unicorn wine is now a thing.
www.purewow.com/news/gik-live-unicorn-tears-rose-wine

Holy Shit!! If you don’t want a glass of this shit, then you have no soul.

I mean, really?!?

I want to go cuddle a puppy right now, just because of the freaking name!! Unicorn Tears. In a bottle?? This is the kind of fuckery that I heart♥️♥️

Year of The Hot Mess Express

Sooooooo, I started a list of New Years Resolutions, after two and a half pages (front and back) I decided what in the monkey fuck am I thinking?!?! The reason why this list is so long is because I’m carrying shit over from the past twenty five years. If I haven’t kept said resolutions in that amount of time, I’ve decided that being me is fucking awesome/just awful (depending on which of my “personalities” you happen to grab bag at that particular moment) and that I don’t need any improvement, therefore this year the only resolution I have is to keep being fucking awesome/just awful. Keeping just this ONE will be a piece of cake. My List?? In the circular file where it should have been stored twenty five years ago😂😂

New Years Eve at our new house was perfect and the fireworks show from our own backyard was amazing! I love, love, love being back in the country and I especially love a bunch of rednecks hopped up on Budweiser on New Years Eve who happen to have cornered the market on ALL fireworks in Livingston Parish where we now reside.

Here hold my beer and watch this!! ‘Merica!😂😂😂

My Christmas Present Is A Pain In The Ass

My husband decided that at 45 and 46 respectively, that we should get healthy in the new year so he bought us both Fitbit watches. I totally appreciate the sweet gesture and concern for our health as we have small grandbabies that we need to be around for to watch them grow up.

That being said my problem with my gift is twofold. For starters I can’t even get the mother fucker paired with my iPhone or my Internet to save my life. I tried for three hours last night and I’m going on 3 hours this morning. WHAT IN THE FUCK?!?! I bet my twelve year old niece could have it set up in like five seconds flat.

My second problem with my very much appreciated gift is that who wants some artificial intelligence telling them to get up off their fat ass and walk, move, etc?!?! At least if a person tells you that, you can tell them STFU!!

So I’m going to smile gratefully at my husband for his thoughtfulness, wear this little judgmental fuck on my wrist and dare that bitch to tell me I haven’t moved in six hours straight!! As long as the Fitbit and I know who’s boss we’ll get along just fine!!

Merry Christmas Y’all💕💕

Yoga Pants: A Blessing or a Curse

Ahhhhh, the almighty yoga pants. What can I say, I’ve owned and worn hundreds of different pairs in hundreds of different sizes. I like to think of them as my pajama clothes, because most of the time my Fibromyalgia won’t allow any other material to get near my skin. EVERYONE loves a pair of yoga pants, therein lies the problem….as my dear old Gran used to say, “Just because it comes in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it.” Boy was that woman on fleek about that subject.

I’ve been small, I’ve been large and every size in between, and the most difficult decision a woman will ever have to make is deciding that her yoga pants are just NOT flattering anymore and that the time has come to move on to sweatpants.

Now I know you young hot bodied thangs think for the most part that yoga pants are God’s gift to mankind, but let me let you in on a little secret, sisters, camel toes are not flattering on anyone. Ever. Period.

For Pete’s sake will someone feed that thing, it’s so hungry it’s eating her yoga pants!!

Thank you my pretties for listening to my rant for the day😂

TTFN💕💕💕💕

7 Things To Lookout For Before Following A Blog

7 Things To Lookout For Before Following A Blog

7 Things To Lookout For Before Following A Blog
— Read on hughsviewsandnews.com/2018/09/20/7-things-to-lookout-for-before-following-a-blog/

Great post! I am following waaaaaaay to many blogs just because they followed me first. I appreciate and am grateful to each and every follower, the thing is, I may not necessarily be interested in certain blog topics. It is nothing personal at all as I’m sure that even if I don’t agree with another bloggers views it does not mean that said blogger is not a lovely person. Following too many people is problematic in regards to the fact that the blogs that I do follow closely because I LOVE their content get lost somewhere in the rest. Thank you again to my precious followers for reading about my crazy, topsy turvy life AND for putting up with my excessive profanity, because well that’s just how I roll.

TTFN my pretties💕💕

When I try and take a picture…

When I try and take a picture…
— Read on m.facebook.com/story.php

These precious angels are my daughter and son-in-laws twin nephews. You have to watch it a few times to take it all in. This is so funny to me on so many different levels…..the first twin waiting for mom to count to three, the second twin taking a minute to realize he just got smacked and decide oh hell to the no and smacks the first one. The first twin being the instigator is not having it so he tees up for one more hit, then you see the second twin who got the last lick in hunkering down and making a face waiting for his payback clobber!! As an oldest sibling this tickles my evil little black sister heart! Why didn’t I think of this shit?!?!

This is SPARTA

I’m honored and delighted at this milestone!

Thank y’all so, so much for joining me on this crazy adventure that is my life.

MiMi’s World

Hi my friends and fellow bloggers, sorry I’ve been so quiet (for me anyway) the last few days. As you all know from my previous blog post, I became a MiMi to the cutest, sweetest, smartest grandson in the whole wide world and I AM SMITTEN.

I can barely take a second away from him…..I begged my daughter to let me stay the first few days at home with them and she sweetly turned me down and said they had to learn, that I couldn’t stay with them forever….the thing is I call BULLSHIT on that because I don’t care if I had to pitch a tent in their back yard….I would totally do it to be close to my grandbaby. I taught my kids to be self reliant and independent but if I knew it was going to jump up and bite me in the ass like this, I’d rather them still living with me at 40! Ha!

Having a new innocent life to worry about has my BPD anxiety in overdrive. I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest but in a good way if that’s not an oxymoron. Thanks to all for the kind words and well wishes!! They mean the world to me❤️

Destin: Heaven On Earth

My husband and I returned from our seven-day vacation to Destin, Florida yesterday afternoon. What a glorious time we had. I was actually depressed to have to head home to Baton Rouge. I have totally fallen in love with the city of Destin and all of Okaloosa County. Everyone we met during our stay, from hotel check in clerks to waiters to cashiers at Wal-Mart and the many souvenir shops were super friendly. People from all walks of life, colors and ethnicitys all treated one another with dignity and respect with just a hint of that ”island” vibe mixed in for good measure. This beautiful place was our respite from our everyday doldrums, from all of the political BS blasting on every television around, and from the anger and divisiveness that seems to have our country in a choke hold.

What a wonderful reminder that we are all just people making our way through this crazy world, but there is also a better way to do so. We are currently looking at job openings in the area because all of our children are grown, we could pick up and move at moments notice. This beautiful place is where we want to end our careers and retire to. Destin is absolutely my Disneyland. The happiest place on earth!

Vacation=Best Anti-Anxiety Reliever EVER

As we are driving back from Destin, I am reflecting on what an incredible week I’ve had with my amazing husband. We were able to reconnect on every level. We REALLY needed this trip. We truly feel like newlyweds again. The long walks on the beach at sunrise and sunset, the talking like we haven’t talked in so very long. Every reason I fell in love with my husband was on full display during this entire trip. He has spoiled me rotten and I have loved every second of it.

We spent evenings at the Harbor Walk, Margaritaville and Gilligan’s whose rum runners will knock your damn socks off! Can anyone say FUBAR?!?

We collected shells together for our bathroom at home because it is done in a beach theme. We ate delicious food and had tons of laughter and fun. The stress and anxiety of the past couple of months has just melted away leaving two middle aged teenagers blissfully in love just like the day our eyes met across a crowded room. My BPD did not rear its ugly head one time and I’m so thankful for that. My husband has a calming influence on my soul and I adore him for it.  We watched the dolphins frolic and went on sunset cruises to watch the sun go down by boat. It was spectacular.

Both my husband and I truly appreciate the beauty and peacefulness of nature. We are truly blessed and I think we both appreciate that fact a lot more than we did at the beginning of this adventure.

Big Girl Undies On

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I know this shouldn’t be a cause for alarm.  It wouldn’t be for a normal.

Today is my precious, only baby girls baby shower.  Please don’t misunderstand, I’m elated at becoming a MiMi.  My anxiety inducing issue is with the fact that my baby is having a baby.  I am so FREAKED THE FUCK out, that I don’t know which way is up.  Where did all the time go.  It seems like just yesterday she was a tiny little toddler in her Barney nightgown and would flip out if she didn’t have her trusty sidekick  “Sal Nu-Nu” (apparently her pacifier was part of the Gambino crime syndicate😉) until she was nearly in kindergarten.  Time just flashes by with the speed of lightening, I don’t think many of us realize just how fast it goes by.  So in closing mammas hug your littles AND your bigs.  They’ll be flying the coop and forging their own path in this crazy world waaaaay before you’re ready for it❤️