I’m not going to lie. We as parents can sometimes be cruel mother fuckers when it comes to our own selfish wants (a stupid picture) and our comedic entertainment (because y’all know good and damn well the harder and louder your kiddo screamed the funnier it got). That’s not even mentioning that every one of … Continue reading Here Comes Peter Cottontail
This is a photo of myself and my BFF, Deb, taken a little over five years ago. That night as we sat sipping our beers, listening to some great music and shaking our tail feathers and laughing until we cried because we are both people watchers and HUGE smart asses and boy did we have … Continue reading Deb, The Long Goodbye
What kind of happy horseshit is this?!?! I know it sounds all nice and fucking peachy on a greeting card, but in real life?!?! Bitch please!! First of all if I created MYSELF, my measurements would be 36-24-36. If I had stats like that I’d even keep the fucking BPD (but only if I had … Continue reading Life Isn’t About Finding Yourself, It’s about Creating Yourself
These are pics of our new home after we have unpacked (not every single thing) and have a little bit of order to everything. Have I mentioned moving sucks donkey ass?!? I’d rather be drawn and quartered or burned at the stake or waterboarded than to do this shit EVER again. I’m delighted about the … Continue reading Finally!! A Light at The End of The Tunnel
It’s 2019 and we thought the unicorn food trend was behind us. We were wrong, because unicorn wine is now a thing. http://www.purewow.com/news/gik-live-unicorn-tears-rose-wine Holy Shit!! If you don’t want a glass of this shit, then you have no soul. I mean, really?!? I want to go cuddle a puppy right now, just because of the … Continue reading Unicorn Tears
Sooooooo, I started a list of New Years Resolutions, after two and a half pages (front and back) I decided what in the monkey fuck am I thinking?!?! The reason why this list is so long is because I’m carrying shit over from the past twenty five years. If I haven’t kept said resolutions in … Continue reading Year of The Hot Mess Express
I like to say I fear no words but that’s a lie. I have anxiety about my health because my mother would growl when I smiled: Your incisors are BROWN. Pinworms: Placing me, naked, face-down on the couch, parting my seven-year-old buttocks with her fingernails, summoning Dad: Come see these damn things crawling in and out! She scolded me … Continue reading Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones. Words Can Sever Souls.