Meltdown Mania

I had a meltdown last weekend. The very worst one ever. This particular meltdown sucked me pretty far down the rabbit hole, much deeper than I’ve ever been. I had thoughts about self harm, which has NEVER even crossed my crazy, conflicted mind. One can only be so crazy and be called so many ugly names until one snaps. My father called me a crack whore at 12. A bull dyke at 16. A worthless piece of human shit last month. He is by far not the only one to use the weapon of words against me…..trust me, I have a strong chin and would prefer a physical altercation, where I at least have a small chance of fighting back….I’d even rather take a physical ass beating than to get beaten down with words, physical scars heal eventually….words that eviscerate your soul…..that shit rings around ones already crazy mind forever.

My savior came in a form that I never expected. Not only were my self harm thoughts totally erased, there are certain abilities I have as a Empath that became more apparent than anything ever has the more I spoke to this person. Thank you for saving me from my own tormented mind. You know who you are. I’ll never be able to repay the enormous debt of gratitude I feel I owe you.

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14 Comments

    • Thank you, Sir Billiam!! I am slowly learning that with some proper perspective and a lot of kindness🙏🏼

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  1. Hi, I am so sorry you have experienced this deep pain. It is awful to have such hurtful words thrown at you by someone who is supposed to be supportive and uplift you. I am glad that you can recognize that his words are not true at all and even more thankful that you had someone amazing to talk with and help you get through the meltdown. Hang in there. You are so strong, dear friend.

    ❤ Alana

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  2. Gosh I am so sorry Bella, but so glad you came out the other side and that someone was there for you. My sister treats me the same way you father treats you, I have blocked her from my life, thankfully she lives 600 miles away at the ass end of England! so not much chance of bumping into her, thank God! stay strong my lovely BB xoxoxo

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    • Thanks my sweet Lil!! You are one of the small circle of my WP peeps that I consider “family”! You are always there with great advice, kindness and your gentle ways. I’m sorry that you had to experience such atrocities also but it certainly didn’t taint your beautiful heart!! Love you big big♥️♥️

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      • Always welcome Bella.. and hey, don’t you ever dare to even think about harming “my” Bella 🙂 Love you and hugs!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Awwww, Amir, you know as well as I do in hindsight, I was just having an extra bad day. I have far too much mischief and profanity to sprinkle all around the world to “check out” before my time😉😂
          Right back at you
          xoxoxoxoxo

          Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so very much, Anna, don’t feel sorry for me though, having gone through so much pain for so long made me very strong. Thank you for taking the time to stop by my blog and for your kind words. It means the world to me.

      Liked by 1 person

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