Flubber: An Autobiography

My 2019 has in many ways been a fresh start. In several other areas it has not…..mainly my weight. When T and I got married last November, I was a size 2!! The last time my ass saw a two it was a 2 Toddler, so at the time I was feeling healthy (although I was hungry AF), and had a pretty positive body image.

Yes, even as enlightened as I am, I focus way to much on my body’s shape and size. I think this goes back to my childhood trauma of being called fat and sloppy as a chubby young child and tween. I sometimes wonder if my parents knew what irreparable damage they were causing by doing this, if that would have made any difference?!?!

I was stepping out of my clothes this morning and happened to catch sight of myself in our full length mirror (which I truly try to avert my eyes from at all costs normally) and I gasped….who is the fat, bloated, horrified stranger staring at my awful body so intently…..oh shit it was just my reflection😏😏

I kind of did the same thing a few days back. Our windows and front door have reflective coating on them to be more energy efficient. As I was cleaning I caught sight of some chubby bitch watching me from outside. I walked at her menacingly and she did the same right back. In my mind I’m thinking, this heavyweight bitch wants to actually fight, I better pack my lunch….as it turned out the feisty heavyweight bitch was me and I had already had my lunch along with a small villages lunch by the looks of my immense shadow😕😂😕

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. Here’s a strange paradox. I’m a portly fellow, and I can be somewhat “let down” when I catch a glimpse of myself. But I wonder, am I really that large in real life or am I just not looking at myself all day, so when I do see my body it takes some getting used to? I don’t know.

    Another interesting aspect is although I wish I were in better shape. I still find myself attracted to women of all shapes and sizes.

    I wonder if I am simply too hard on myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You must remember that more women think a larger man is attractive rather than vice versa. Women have a tendency to want their partner to be bigger….I think it’s a comfort thing. My husband is a very slim, wiry man so at the best of times I feel like we are Mr. & Mrs. Jack Sprat. I’m sure that due to your outgoing and kind personality that you are handsome no matter what size you are😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow, thanks for the compliment Bella.

        I had no idea that women liked larger men.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I can’t speak for every single woman, but a majority of the women I know do.
          My soulmate and love of my life just happened to come in a smaller package😂
          He’s got the personality of a much larger man though! Haha!😂

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Liz says:

    Hun – you know it just kills me to read you being so bloody hard on yourself. You and I both know it’s meds, and you could pop back into those teeny 2s if sanity wasn’t a priority. No fat shaming or guilting!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, LaLaLiz!! I’m not as concerned about it for vanity’s sake as I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I hate that feeling.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Liz says:

        THAT I understand. But the truth is, your “inner skin” you know the sane one? is the one that feels uncomfortable, because it’s shiny and brand new sanity. New brain pattern, Love. And the next time ANYONE gives you crap about your weight you look ’em dead in the eye and ask what’s more important – how you look, or that you live?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You’re ABSOLUTELY right, LaLa, for mankind’s sake, I better stay chubby. If I go off meds, I may be skinny but Jesus H. Frigging Christ, I’m a skinny holy fucking terror AND I don’t have any weight to put behind it if I have to stomp someone a new asshole out😂😂

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Liz says:

    But will you have the shoes for it? 🙀😈

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have forty three pairs of shoes girrrllll❣️
      You KNOW that I do😘😘😘😘😘

      Liked by 1 person

  4. floatinggold says:

    The fact that you can joke about all that is a good sign. Think about it that way – some people were never size 2.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your sweet encouraging words💕💕

      Liked by 1 person

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