Unhappy Sucksgiving

I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets “holiday induced” depression. From Thanksgiving right on through the New Year, I’m a hot fucking mess. My family dynamics are fucked. My beloved brother deigns not to speak to any of us anymore due to the culmination of our toxicity. He and I were a team, we were the abused ones while our baby sister got raised on the highest of pedestals. We heard each other out when one of us would reach the breaking point from our father still verbally and psychologically abusing us all this way into adulthood. What I don’t understand is why he cut off contact with me as well?!? I guess I’ll never know.

My sister, the baby and by far the favorite is a fucking bitch that has her poor husband cuckolded within an inch of his life, likes to team up with our mother and demean me over the holiday table for entertainment for everyone. No wonder I never have an appetite at these functions.

I already feel bad enough about myself due to my symptoms from Borderline Personality Disorder, the shit they do isn’t for fun. It is mean spirited, cruel games.

Yet off we go year after year so I can get my Thanksgiving dressing down. I don’t know why I just can’t stop going, considering the circumstances. The sadness and depression that I deal with from this one day lasts for months. I’m super sick of feeling like a lesser person than the rest of the family. My husbands family makes me feel waaay more welcome than my own does. Such a fucking tragedy😞😞

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. We put value into good food at Christmas, not doing or having thanksgiving……our family is broken into the Haves and the Haves- not! And I being out of my comfort zone instantly lose my independence. Forcing me to choose to hibernate in the bedroom and be ignored. Happy holidays! Winning! Cheers,H

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sounds very very familiar, Helen!! I race outside no matter how cold it is, it can never be as cold of the collective hearts inside😏

      Like

  2. Awe BB, just stop going! you don’t have to put yourself through that you know! Hope you didn’t go today, bless your heart xx Love Lil

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I only go because my adult children and my grandbaby adore my parents. With my son living out of state and my daughter having in-laws, as well as the kids seeing their dad and his side of the family, it just makes it easier for everyone so I just suck it up and attend!! Thanks for caring sweet, Lil!! Happy Thanksgiving and much love to you and yours💕

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Liz says:

    Don’t go. Fuck ’em….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just HAD to. My big “littles” and my g-baby gathered there too. It was okay, I gave myself time outs as needed.

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  4. I get it. Try being an only child. Refer to my Happy Stressgiving blog. Cheers and hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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